Love Languages: Acts of Service

15/11/2021by Terry White

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Do you feel a profound sense of gratitude and most loved when someone significant in your life is doing something for you, no matter how small? If so, then I would suggest that your love language is Acts of Service.

If Acts of Service is your love language, then you might also become frustrated when you find yourself carrying out all sorts of tasks for your loved ones and they don’t acknowledge your efforts in any way.


Why am I being asked to do things all the time?

If a loved one always seems to be asking you to do something for them, for example, fix a tap, bring in the mail, bring the laundry basket to the washing machine, post a letter, mow the lawn etc, then their love language is probably Acts of Service. Your time and effort to execute these tasks is greatly appreciated by the person who’s love language is Acts of Service if you are carrying out these tasks unbegrudgingly.

But it sounds like a criticism

Be mindful that if they have to keep asking it may seem like nagging, to you and them. This can foster resentment.

The upside of hearing a loved one make requests of you is really them expressing their own love language. This could be a huge clue for you to review the state of your relationship or perhaps just your attitude toward being asked to carry out tasks and an opportunity to make changes if necessary.


So, what is your angle?

There are many facets to Acts of Service.

On one hand it could be as simple as sensing when your loved one just needs five minutes to themselves or a good cup of tea.

On the other, you could do bigger tasks that you know your loved one will appreciate before you’re asked. Maybe they like to see the kitchen sink clear of dishes before bedtime or the bed made before you go out to work.

It could be that they’d be most grateful for a hand when asked – like getting the kids clean and dressed, the laundry hung or folded, or car washed and filled.


Start as you mean to finish

Filling someone’s love tank with their primary love language cannot be a once-off or short-term occurrence. It is an ongoing demonstration of love and care; in the same way your car regularly needs refuelling.

For anyone in a serious relationship, it will serve you well to be aware of how you are with your loved one during those early months of first infatuation, when nothing else matters and you only have eyes for each other, feeling totally IN LOVE, so that if the relationship does start to feel a little strained you will be able to look back and see what’s changed. What are you doing differently now than when you first fell in love? Pay attention and take an honest look at what might be different in how you treat each other now. Talk about it and work out what is important for you both.


There are five love languages. If your loved one’s primary love language is Acts of Service, go to The Love Language™ Quiz ( and take the quiz to see which is your love language.

Terry White