The Relationship Series: Your Relationship with Self-Talk

19/04/2021by Terry White

* Continue reading below or listen to a recording of this blog


It’s not by accident that as we get older our minds filter out the unnecessary noise and we begin to hear ourselves more clearly. This could be nature’s way of helping us into an age of wisdom – a time in our lives when we are impartial, compassionate, rational, tolerant and knowledge sharing.

Unfortunately, many of us don’t give ourselves the time or space to sit in peace and just listen to what we are saying to ourselves. So often these internal conversations turn negative and hurtful without us even realising it.

If someone else spoke to you the way you speak to yourself, you would probably consider it abusive and degrading. If that someone was a friend of yours, what would you say to them? And if they continued to insult you, how long would you allow them to remain in your life?


Rebecca’s Story (Part II)

Heading towards her third decade Rebecca started becoming more aware of the subtle messages trickling into her consciousness.

These messages came from a variety of sources: a book on a library shelf, a flippant remark from a colleague, the lyrics of a song or even a direct challenging question from a friend.

Rebecca realised that these messages had been there all along but until now they just sounded like noise. So, Rebecca decided to pay attention to the messages and take note of what they were saying to her.

Once Rebecca started listening to the messages they became much clearer to her. Some messages still came from external sources as they had done before, but now she was hearing the messages in her mind. It wasn’t that she was going mad but rather that she was becoming aware that we have all the answers we need within us. For example, Rebecca had decided that she wanted to be less judgemental about those around her but particularly about herself. As soon as she had made that decision any thoughts of judgement resonated back to her far louder than it had left her mind originally. Rebecca knew that she had to take ownership of these judgemental thoughts and do something to change them.

Rebecca decided she would work on forgiving herself first and foremost for having been so judgemental towards others and for judging herself even more harshly. She wasn’t quite sure how she was going to accomplish this task but instead of waiting she made a start by talking to herself positively. When she found her thoughts wandering into bad habit territory, she would yank them back swiftly and remind herself that other people’s business was not hers to criticise.


The Coaching Approach (Understanding Your Thoughts)

Firstly, what would help Rebecca break the habit of judging herself and others?

1. Congratulating herself for being open to growth, to the awareness of her thoughts and behaviours, and realising that they are not serving her.

2. Contemplating what her life might look like without judgement and how she would then feel.

Then what?

1. A coach would work with Rebecca to understand where the judgement came from and why.

2. Support Rebecca to raise her energy levels so she can start to feel more compassion for herself and others.


If you have had similar life experiences to Rebecca or you resonate with how Rebecca feels, where would you like to begin your coaching journey?

Terry White